Looking for a Mind at Work

An attempt at the illusive work-life balance.

Satisfied from Hamilton

I picked the above song because I think it’s a good mix of Virgo and Capricorn – Angelica is in love with Hamilton, but instead hooks him up with her sister Eliza because she is hyper-aware of societal conventions, her expected role, and her sister’s love for him as well. Ambition and responsibility; analysis and self-sacrifice.

So in the song, the mix is pretty clear. Capricorn on the cusp of my 6th House, traditionally ruled by Virgo, is less clear. The 6th House is not a fun house (traditionally malefic) – it’s a house of responsibility, daily routine, work life, health and illness, service to others and those we serve – when something goes wrong here it can fuck up your whole chart.

I don’t have any planets in this house, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have experiences. Astrologically, that just puts more emphasis on the cusp ruler and that Sign’s ruler: Saturn in the 4th.

I’ve been chewing on this for a bit: Work (when I was young, it was school because I considered being a student my job) has always been important to me. I work hard, I put time into mastering my jobs, no matter what they are, and I feel responsible for them – with Saturn in the 4th, I can’t help it, it’s part of the core of who I am. I’m very critical of my work (Virgo) and I both love and hate recognition for it (Capricorn and Virgo respectively). It’s not really that I want to be rewarded for working hard or attaining mastery; that’s what I expect of myself, so a reward feels more like a participation trophy or pandering depending on the context. By recognition I really mean I want to be told what I’m doing well and where I can improve (as long as it’s not the manager training 2 things doing well for 1 thing that needs improvement), I want to be trusted to work autonomously, and I want to be pulled for bigger projects or new situations where my skills are needed. Put another way, the best way to reward me for working hard is to either give me more responsibility or to give me the freedom to work unfettered.

Not gonna lie, the typo is driving me nuts.

That’s a problem.

I’m never satisfied that I’m doing a good enough job. There’s always something I can do better or that I can work on. If there isn’t, I don’t believe that or I get bored. If there is, I focus on it.

The other thing that comes up is that my cusp’s planetary ruler is in the 4th House traditionally ruled by Cancer and the planet is in Scorpio. Cancer, like the moon, waxes and wanes and Scorpio transforms through sudden change. My work life, sometimes through no fault of my own, contains sudden ups and downs. I was active military for just over 4 years and, in that time, I did 2 deployments, was assigned to 2 duty stations, and did long term training at a 3rd. While moving a lot isn’t unusual in the military, that’s still a little high compared to a lot of the people I served with. I’ve worked in jobs where funding that had been there for years was suddenly pulled or contracts they were sure of weren’t awarded. And, of course, there was the latest fiasco. My resume has gotten to be quite long.

All in all, it has created an adaptability coupled with a certain amount of pessimism that I deal with in a practical, hard-working, unrealistic way: have too many jobs. You know, just in case. Right now, I’m working 3 and, even though I intended to quit the 1 I have the fewest hours and make the least amount of money at, I have only just today written my resignation (cuz I do that, even though this is a coffee shop job). And that resignation, in and off itself, is more of a step down, leaving in an option to use me as a back up or as a holiday worker. I can’t help but feel justified doing that, though, because the pressure has poured on at my primary job as of Friday to fix our contract’s timeliness problem or risk losing the contract and, consequently, our jobs. And it comes at a time when I’ve had an increase in expenses due to a sudden roommate issue.

That being said, I think that my Mars conjunct Uranus in Sagittarius probably thrives in this constantly changing landscape of employment. It digs the new environments and the required quick-to-catch-on mentality, the flying-by-the-seat-of-the-pants problem solving. It just freaks the Virgo/Capricorn/Home Stability portion of me out. I’m not afraid of working hard. I’m afraid of hardly working.

My goal as I work through this house is to worry less and make sure I make time to focus on my health, which is also under the auspices of this house. I want to find the time to take care of me and to find a work/life balance that I can sustain and not be critical of. Usually my approach to this is just to do more stuff. I don’t want to do that this time around. Instead, I want to focus on doing the right stuff to rejuvenate myself. Creating, meditating, getting good sleep, spending quality time with my son. All the things that sometimes fall by the wayside when I’m focused on getting stuff done. It will help me keep my mind at work.

Hopefully me this week


Author: saharanstarshadow

I'm a mother, a workaholic, a veteran, a pagan, and a queer woman. I have spent the last 18 months in therapy for MST and PTSD and have decided to spend the next year on my spiritual journey.

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